New York City
This past Saturday I got to fill up my soul.
After almost 4 years away I finally got back to New York City.
Way back in 2013 I went to the city for the first time. I impulsively signed up for a yoga teacher training with my favorite yoga teacher and had literally no idea what I was in for when I did that. Coming from a small town taking on the big city was overwhelming. How do I navigate the subway?! What areas are safe? How do I exist here compared to in the town of 3,000 people that I grew up in? I am completely alone! I only know like 2 people! Even with all of my questions and concerns I was young and shoved my fear aside to do things anyways. And thank God I did because it was nothing short of amazing and transformational.
I think the fear trap that we get stuck in as we grow older is dangerous and sad. It’s something that I’ve found myself stuck in a lot in this post Covid world. The older we get the more cautious we become. And of course, in some ways that’s great, a healthy dose of fear and caution is good. But in a lot of ways it keeps us comfortable and stagnant. Sacrificing our goals and dreams for feelings of safety.
To each their own, but for me, that’s not how I want to spend my days. I don’t want to just be alive, I want to live.
And NYC does that for me. It’s electric. Full of life. It’s somewhere that helps you to grow up really quickly, but in the best way, and to do so in a way that can’t be attained in a lot of other places.
I’ve been wanting to go back for a while now. I actually had concert tickets for last fall but I ended up selling them and not going. This year though, I was determined. I picked a date and put it on the calendar. As the day got closer and closer I got more resistant to going. I had people tell me how unsafe it is and how much it’s changed since Covid. And I had my own fears about using public transportation and being there, too.
The night before came and I really didn’t want to go, like at all. A big part of me wanted to call off the trip completely. But there was also that part of me that craved being there once more.
It was decided. We were going.
I broke out my trusty NYC backpack that I bought on my first trip there. I have other backpacks that are much nicer, but no thank you. This backpack is a $5 backpack from the Urban Outfitters on Broadway. The one strap is literally hanging on by a thread and the other one is frayed. But it works. You know how you have weird attachments to certain just because of the time and place that you bought them? That’s what this backpack is for me.
I loaded it up with snacks and a tripod, set the alarm for 3:40am, and got ready for bed.
3:40am comes early no matter what time you get to bed, but on days when you’re heading to one of your favorite places it hits different.
We got up, got ready, and were out the door by 4.
The drive is about four and half hours but it flew by and before I knew it we were at the train station.
I always take an Amtrak from New Jersey into the city. I don’t have to worry about parking or traffic and it just makes things better for me all around. I was nervous about the train but once I got onto the train I felt myself settle into that aspect of my past self who saw this whole thing as normal. After the past 3 years it feels so good to have normalcy of the past settle into places where it was missed the most.
We didn’t have any wild and crazy plans. I truly just wanted to be in the city. I didn’t need to do anything but walk around. We got brunch at The Butcher’s Daughter and then dinner at 12 Chairs. In between that we went to the 9/11 Museum (I’ve been twice now. It’s a heavy experience but definitely worth seeing.), walked the Hudson River Park, got ice cream, and walked around. Early in the evening we headed back to Penn Station, got the train back to New Jersey, and drove the four and a half hours home.
It was the best time and I can’t wait to do it again.
It filled me up. It made me miss it even more. It helped me to recognize just how stuck and guided by fear I have been. And now I can (and will) take all of that and turn it into usable and useful energy.
Just do the thing. If you’re feeling called to it, make it happen. Life is short. Time is precious. The fear might not go away but that doesn’t mean that you can’t do it anyway. You can. And once you do, things begin to shift and you see that things that seem big and scary aren’t really that big and scary at all. What’s scarier is how we let the thoughts in our mind run wild and hold us back. Awareness, research, and avoiding dangerous circumstances when possible is obviously a good idea but the comforts of the mind often make our world way smaller than it needs to be.
Step outside. Put the phone down. Look up. Go out. And don’t just live on autopilot, instead be fully and completely present and full of life.
