The War of Life
On Sunday it began.
Another flare up for Lily.
At this point we strongly believe that it’s stress induced. But I was working with her a lot. She was doing so well! Making so much progress. Or so I thought.
Now we’re back to heading outside a million times a day (and night) without much help or guidance on how to truly get to the root of these unfortunate flare ups.
We went to the vet on Wednesday and sadly, I was disappointed with the experience.
You know how something is so great but then everyone recognizes how great it is and it loses its greatness in the growth?
That’s what happened at the vet. This vet office is a couple years old at this point. Up until this past visit it has been great. They have been very considerate of Lily’s needs and she has become relatively comfortable with the two doctors who own the clinic. Now there is a new doctor working there and new receptionists which resulted in our experience not quite being the same this time around. I’m happy for their growth and I don’t say this to complain, but I see it from time to time where things get bigger and then the personal touch gets smaller and smaller.
And so, we left there with a peace of mind about the fact that she doesn’t have a blockage, but also no real answers as to what we can do to support her during this time.
It’s so perplexing to me why medical professionals are so quick to hand out antibiotics. In their eyes it’s the answer for everything that’s a mystery. But it’s not the answer at all. Lily has been on antibiotics three times in the past year for this and even though they sent us home with some from the vet, I’m saying no more to that.
All week I have been scouring the internet for answers. Calling holistic pet supplement stores and pet nutritionists, researching holistic vet blogs, and figuring out what the heck to feed her. We have an appointment with a nutritionist today at 1:30 and I am hoping for answers and help!
Because another thing that is entangled in this mess is the fact that we have a vacation scheduled for next week. Will we get to leave and go on the vacation or will we be subjected to doggy diarrhea hell instead?
Time will tell!
It seems as if everything is going wrong all of the time. I don’t say that to whine or complain. I’m just sharing from a place of honesty. So often we see shiny highlight reels and I strive to share the highs and lows for greater sense of connection during a time period where everyone feels so disconnected.
Anyways, everything is going wrong. Unexpected bills, Lily getting sick, family dramas and stressors, unanswered questions and unknown directions in life, ankle pain preventing me from training for a marathon, work stressors, and some other things sprinkled about. It’s a lot. And to be completely honest, it has left me jaded and completely disconnected spiritually. I am just trying to make it through the days at this point and I have lost the zest and love for life.
It’s cloudy here today and that’s how I feel.
I know that things will get better and I know that things could be worse but I don’t focus too much on either of those realities because it makes me feel guilty for feeling the way that I do now. And while the way that I feel now isn’t ideal, it’s also real and deserves to be felt so that it can be transmuted.
So often we hear that someone is struggling and we try to make them feel better. It’s all very well meaning but what happens if we just sit with them in that space for a period of time and let it be what it is? If we feel that it’s okay to simmer in the sadness then we can oftentimes evaporate that sadness, leaving us with a much richer concoction of Self.
And so, I sit in the unknown. It’s all unknown if we really think about. Sometimes we sit in it more often than others though. And that’s where I’m at.
This week that’s the practice. To sit with it and to observe it as much as possible. To work to accept where I’m at and to know that it’s exactly where I’m meant to be.
