When I left the mold I basically got rid of all of my clothes. There was a lot wrapped up in that decision. Fear of cross contamination, overwhelm of where to put my stuff while sleeping on a futon at my parents, and just wanting to rid myself of every single aspect of that chapter of my life.

Anxiety.

It’s trendy.

It’s joked about.

It’s spoken about so nonchalantly.

And it’s very real.

It’s been a weird week. Not for any reason in particular. I’ve just been feeling weird. Waiting for Friday since Monday, but not really excited for the weekend either.

Generally speaking, things are good though. Typical. Nothing to complain about. My energy is just a little skewed this week.

To elaborate a bit more, this is where I’m really at.

Tomorrow will mark 2 years since I began 75 Hard. It is one of those weird time stretching circumstances that seems like a much longer time but also doesn’t seem like it’s been that long at all.

Two years ago I was crawling out of a mold hell hole, sleeping on a futon with my belongings festering in the moldy space, and in a 6 year relationship that was not aligned in the slightest.

This past Saturday I got to fill up my soul.

After almost 4 years away I finally got back to New York City.

We are 16 weeks into 2023 and I feel as if I have been spinning around in a washing machine for all of them.

Back at the end of December Mitch got what I call a “real job.” Prior to this entrance into essentially working a 9-5 he was a business owner (still is, but the real job has been an addition). The schedule that he now keeps is waking up Monday-Friday at 3:30am. It has been a tough adjustment and I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it.

I don’t know if it’s the shift into the spring season or something a bit deeper but I am still wanting to change my whole life.

Somehow over the past few years my life has become very busy without actually getting a whole lot done. I’ve been assessing this for a while now and asking myself the big question of why? I truly have been feeling like I haven’t been able to really embark on many creative projects both professionally and personally. I just don’t have the time. In the past that was not the case.

So where is my time going?

I get into these spaces in my brain where I am wildly unsatisfied with my life. Is this normal? I don’t know. Is this healthy? I also don’t know. Is this something that I want to pay attention to and use? Yes, I do.

Let me preface this by saying that just because I am unsatisfied does not mean that I am not grateful or blessed with abundance in many ways. I am. But I hate the severity of the either/or perspective in situations like this where it can very much be both/and instead.

I’m officially 2 weeks into marathon training and I’m injured.

This is what happens when you don’t listen to yourself.